Saturday, December 27, 2008

PT Cruisers

PT cruisers are one of the most retarded cars on the planet. literally. they took a modern car and decided to take away such features as normally-sized and placed tail lights and non-absurd looking body design and they came out with the turd of a car that is called a PT cruiser. I hate them. Below is a list of reasons why PT cruisers are the suck.

1. People who love PT cruisers love to trick them out.

Seriously, WHAT is the point? you took your stupid-looking car and put flames on it. to make it look more sporty. and YOU. well I'm glad your car matches your personality, but I don't like either one very much.

2. People who love PT cruisers love the color purple.

I'm not sure what it is about the color purple, but people who list purple as their favorite color are rarely quite normal. This is not generally true of any other color. People who like purple think that it's a part of their soul. They will often refuse to wear any other color, or alternatively will make sure to wear at least one purple item at all times. They will have purple upholstery inside their houses. And they like to drive purple cars, especially purple PT cruisers.

3. PT Cruisers have stupidly designed tail lights that are too low and too small making them very difficult to see at night.

4. People in PT cruisers generally drive like asses.

Besides the reasons I've listed, there are many others that aren't explainable with words. I loathe this car. yuck.

notes on repeatedly falling down mountains

after I was finished with my surgery shelf exam, E and I went on a wintry vacation to Salt Lake City to ski. I have only ever skied once before in my life, but picked it up fairly easily and loooved it. E on the other hand is a snowboarder. I decided to try something new and go snowboarding along with him. Here are a few pictures of me falling down the bunny slopes at Brighton on our first day:

After that debacle, E forced me to take two days off because I hit my head fairly hard and I couldn't walk properly because I did something to my coccyx, and was as a result forced to hobble around like a little old lady (I told E he could go on and ski without me but he very kindly refused and kept me company). we spent a day napping and eating and looking for somewhere that served beer stronger than 3.4% or whatever the heck they have there:

and another day walking around and seeing all the wonders of downtown Salt Lake City.

We also took a several mile walk in a snowstorm and it was beautiful! I've only ever seen snow before on top of a mountain and it was really cool to see it blanketing a city and making everything all white and pretty. Granted, I didn't have to deal with any snow maintenance but as long as someone else is it was fantastic.

I tried snowboarding once more, this time at Snowbird.

I was very good at going only in one direction, but as soon as I tried to pivot and turn the other way I ate it. Every time. This time I'm fairly certain that I gave myself a concussion. At first I was worried that it was a slow sub-dural bleed, but when I didn't lose consciousness after a few hours I calmed down. I also ran into a small tree branch. but I kicked that branch's @ss and broke it off when it hit me in the face, so I think we both won.
Moral of the story: I'm not meant to snowboard. It feels completely unnatural to me to have both feet stuck together, and it's insanity to intentionally travel down a mountain on a smooth surface backwards. Next time I go out for winter sports, I'm going back to skiing. It may not be as hip, but it will hopefully preserve my brain from being smashed against the inside of my skull. And that's a good thing. Brain cells are awesome.

Also awesome: Salt Lake City, surprisingly. people are friendly, it's really pretty, and I could see myself potentially living there for five years during a residency. Although I've heard rumors that I would be forced to begin saying "Oh my HECK!" when angry instead of the normal cuss words. Seriously... people say that there. so weird.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Know what's really fun?

What's really fun is coming home to a river flowing down your alleyway and a big digging machine with flashing lights hard at work less than a foot away from your bedroom window. Trust me, it happened to me a few days ago. Then we tried to turn on the water and all that came out was air. I had to boyscout some water so that I wouldn't have to brush my teeth with beer (don't ask... it makes too much sense to explain it right now) and drug myself with benadryl to be able to sleep (which I generally hate doing because it makes it so hard to get up unless you have ten hours to sleep in a row!)
The next day I went to look at the damage and saw the above image out of my kitchen window.

But in all seriousness, here's what really IS fun: Christmas vacation. It is the best single thing (besides spring break) about staying in school into my mid-20's. Tor those counting, I'll finish school when I'm 26, then get to start working at jobs that pay approximately minimum wage, possibly less depending on whether your institution actually follows the 80 hour work week recommendation. I will do this for five or six years. Then I get to start paying down my debt, which is going to be somewhere in the ballpark of $150,000. maybe more--and that's TEXAS, where our tuition is nearly the cheapest in the country. All during the time of my life when big events (kids, buying a house, etc) will also be wanting my love, attention, and money. I go into this non-seqitur to point out that:
1) Despite popular belief, physicians are not overpaid. We lose years of potential income by deciding to instead take out loans and continue going to school. And after 16 years of combined education, we make less money at the beginning of our careers than many people without a bachelor's. And once we do start making decent money, we have a huge burden of debt to pay off, which is larger than the annual salary of many physicians. This is also why your family practice doctor can only spend ten minutes every time s/he sees you. They make less money seeing you than your vet does when you take your cat in.
2) no one should go into Medicine unless they absolutely must; seriously. If there is any other thing that you can do with your life that will satisfy you and make you happy, do it instead. This is hard. And it's not that I'm stupid. Before I started medical school, I was vain and naive enough to think that it was only hard for other people because they weren't as smart as me. Do not think that. I am in the middle of a group of incredibly intelligent people working their @$$es off and I'm happy if I end up being mediocre. The first class I took when I got to school was biochemistry, where I worked harder than I ever had before and scraped by with a pass. I recently got a review that said "Displays eagerness and common sense... no glaring weaknesses noted" and I was thrilled.

But anyhow, the point was that I'm excited about Christmas break. E and I are going skiing in Utah--we're staying in SLC and then taking buses out to the different mountains (by the bye, got a wicked deal on a hotel on As I am not a big skier (have only gone once, but loved it) I had to go buy some clothes. I got a great deal on this beautiful jacket (notice the quilted zip-out portion inside and the embroidery. rawr!) at Doug and Lyndas in Mckinney. So I will at least look the part, even if I spend much of the trip on my behind. I can still fall in style.

lastly, I'm doing a shout-out to E, who got me these gorgeous roses which are my new favorite. I love yellow roses because they are what my Dad always got my Mom, And I like that these pay homage to that but they're more ours because there's that tinge of reddish pink on the edges. be-yoo-ti-ful. And for the record, I haven't not had flowers in my house since E and I started dating. Yet another reason why I'm one of the luckiest people on Earth.

Oh and PS I know I've been slacking on here and have been reprimanded already by my mother for not updating often enough; I've been busy with school (test on Friday) and every moment that one of us isn't at school or work is spent with E, which doesn't lend itself to spending time thinking of and then writing clever blog posts.

Friday, November 28, 2008

on with the party

Thanksgiving break has been totally awesome. We spent an early thanksgiving at my mom's house the weekend before the real deal because my entire family is visiting my little sister Erin in Spain right now. Their loss, because it means I got TWO thanksgivings within one week--one at home in Austin and then one in Plano with E's family. Both were delicious.

Here's E trying on an awesome hat in Austin. Because if one graphic is good, more are better. and more awesome.

On Wednesday night we went up to Addison to Pete's piano bar to meet up with E's brother and friends. muuucho fun. And for the record, 3/4 of this picture was staged, and 1/4 was spontaneous. try to guess what's what. Hint: I'm not sure who that other chick is. The one who isn't me.

And the obligatory make everyone jealous of our love picture. yes we're disgusting. much like these goobers.

I'll have to admit that I'm not all that excited to go back to work tomorrow. Don't get me wrong, I still want to be a surgeon and love surgery, but it feels more like this rotation is testing my ability to sit around and wait for things that may or may not happen when you've finished all your actual work at 9 am and then have to wait around for a possible meeting at 2:00. Just saying. Plus vacation feels too good.

Thursday, November 20, 2008


My sister Shannon tagged me. This is my first tagging experience, except for this one time in college when I tagged a bridge with spray paint to advertise for my sorority's bid day party. (yes I was in a sorority... little known fact. I quit after a month because I was too busy for it and all the people I wanted to see in it I saw every day at rowing practice anyways). But my sister Shannon tagged me to list six things for which I am thankful. So heeere goes! In no particular order. Actually, in the order in which I could find a corresponding image on my computer.

My sisters. They (along with my mom) are the first people I call with good news. They're there for me to vent to if I've had a terrible day. Shannon has always been the gorgeous older sister who I looked up to so I could know how to be cool and awesome like her. Now she's a sounding board for me to bounce thoughts off of and she always makes me feel better when I'm overwhelmed. Plus she's just about the best mother I've ever seen, and I'm going to be hard-pressed to have a cuter baby than hers. Erin is a sweetheart, a smart-ass, and she isn't afraid to be goofy. I stole her identity when I accidentally became athletic at the age of 15 (I was supposed to be the artsy one, and she the athletic). She retaliated by beating me on her SAT and letting me know at 6:30 in the morning. They're both gorgeous and talented and sometimes I think I'm just lucky if I keep up with them!

My parents. I thank God that I was blessed with such loving and wonderful parents. I never had a doubt in my mind that they loved me absolutely. My mom was also my friend whenever I was having trouble making new ones. She was there to listen to me and to reassure me that things improved after getting through the angst of 13 years old (let's be honest... my awkward stage lasted from about 11 to maybe 18. or 19. I'm actually not sure if I'm out of it yet). She inspires me still to try new things and to push my own boundaries, and is a constant supportive presence in my life. My dad was one of the most wonderful men in the world. I like to think that I inherited a big part of his personality... the world lost him too soon, but I hope that his positive attributes can live on through me.

E. When I was younger, I made a list of attributes that I wanted in my dream man. I recently looked back at it and laughed, because all of the attributes had been fulfilled so completely, plus thirty thousand other little things that I thought would be too much to ask for, or that I never thought to hope for but for that reason are even greater. He brings me flowers, he makes me tea when I'm sick, and he tells me I'm beautiful when I've just gone thirty hours straight in the trauma hall with no sleep. He is one of the best people I've ever met, and knowing him makes me want to be a better person.

Texas. I love this state. I've lived here with brief pauses for school and other nonsense for 20 years. It is in my soul. I understand it. I'll be sad if I have to move away. I know this one is weird, but I really do love Texas. It's God's country.

FUMC Dallas. It's just an awesome church with real people who are welcoming and thoughtful and non-pretentious. And they don't dumb down God to suit the tastes of the masses. They challenge me to become a better person, but at the same time I'm brought an enormous amount of peace by the services. And it's visually stunning.

and last, Medicine. There are a couple of medicines that have changed my life drastically when I needed them (prilosec, zoloft, singulair are the first that come to mind). They're just really convenient and awesome. I love medicines. And I will be practicing medicine... or rather surgery... but kind of the same.

I think that's my obligate six. I'm going to go take a nap now because I'm still sick and I've been chugging day-quil all day, then today as I was leaving work I got hit on in the elevator by a clown in full clown garb. I wondered if he would have been so bold outside of his makeup. I think not. Those clowns ALWAYS harass me. last time one tried to give me a red foam nose.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

icky sicky

Surgery's grueling schedule is finally catching up with me. it turns out that getting one hour of sleep every third night is actually terrible for you...all of the people on my team are getting sick, including me. Today I skipped my last lecture and went home to crawl into bed. I have call again tomorrow. ugh. Plus one of my patients decided to start hallucinating last night and so he can't be discharged as previously planned, which is kind of not awesome.

Saturday night E and I went to dinner and to the symphony (I can get wicked deals on tickets from school). We went to a place called Cafe R + D and it was fantastic. Very small menu, but everything done perfectly. We had some mango-tuna sushi, some deviled eggs, and then I had the center cut filet and E had some pan-fried sea bass (of course the waiter got confused and couldn't understand why the woman got the beef and the man got the fish... it completely blew his mind). Next time I go I'm going to try the shitake mushroom meatloaf. I also had a Manhattan for the first time ever, and think I may have found my new favorite cocktail. I have a tendency to like drinks from the 1950s, when smoking was good for you, everyone knocked back a few cocktails when they got home from work and then had a nightcap after dinner. None of this cosmo bullshit. Give me something from the days when hard liquor was considered wholesome.
Due to our lingering dinner we missed the first half of the symphony (or rather, heard it from bar area). We didn't mind too much, and the part we did see was wonderful. I don't pretend to know a lot about classical music, but I do enjoy occasionally pretending like I have some class. Here's a picture of me and E while we were waiting to be able to go in:

Something else I had to talk about: the other day I went to the grocery store at around 2:30 AM to grab a giant German Chocolate cake (cause I got it like that!) and stumbled across...

an idiot's guide to prayer and devotion? I know it's a series and all, but really? First of all, idiots generally don't look for ways to more deeply explore their faith; they're too busy judging you. Secondly, why is there a devotional at the Tom Thumb checkout counter, and third, Devotion for idiots? seriously? The only worse book I've seen is "The complete idiot's guide to adoption". How'd you like it if you found that on your parent's bookshelf?

Shannon, Ben and Anna came into town this past weekend to go to SMU homecoming. I gave Anna her birthday present finally (a child-sized purse filled with goodies s.a. old sunglasses, toys with bells in them, an old cell phone, a comb, and library cards). She was in H-E-A-V-E-N! Here's a picture of the little goose playing with her present. Oh and PS the toys with bells are actually meant for cats, but she loved them more than any other thing in there.

I'm going back to bed now with a large glass of OJ and some positive thoughts. I WILL heal myself!

Friday, November 7, 2008

My life

my life is ridiculously busy and exhausting and also awesome and fun and exciting. Last night I got to suture someone's face who had been cut up as she was leaving a bar. It was pretty cool. And I also got to help put in a tracheostomy in an ICU patient, which was nothing at all what I expected (much more controlled and methodical, which is I guess reassuring but not as cool as just sticking a pen into someone's throat).
Things I've learned at work: Sleep when you can, eat when you can, pee when you can. And the fourth, lesser-known rule of surgery--never eat anything bigger than your head after midnight. It will make you crash and burn at a time when you're already deprived as hell of sleep and drinking caffeine only works up to a certain point. e.g. today as I was writing patient notes I kept on falling asleep and ended up with ink blotches on the paper. And I had to initial next to each blotch, in order to say "yes, I indeed made a mistake here, and I'm admitting to it".
Outside of school, I've been spending most of my time with E. We've decided to be one of those disgustingly happy couples that make other people jealous and just a little bit nauseated. It's working out quite well. It's as comfortable as being by myself but way more exciting and stimulating and fun. I should have known...I got a fortune cookie three days before our first date that said "the one you love is closer than you think". Score AGAIN for correct fortune cookie fortunes!

***Update: I just learned the fifth rule of surgery; "Don't F@#! with the pancreas". Unless absolutely necessary. leave it alone.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

And the winner is...

Me. I'm the winner. But don't tell this guy, because he thinks that he is. Maybe we both win... I'm not counting.

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So yesterday I was on call on general surgery. I was waiting for my patient to be called to the OR from 8 AM until 1 AM (and if you were counting, that's 17 hours). At that point, They told me to go see another case because my patient was likely not going to go to surgery today. It was an open laparotomy for a ruptured gall bladder, and we finished at 4 AM. Then I slept in a chair for an hour and got up to see my patients. I'm pooped. But i almost don't care, because I've got one of the most marvelous people I've ever met to call up at the end of the day. And now I'm falling asleep as I write this post, so I'm off to nap for a loooong time. peace in your barrio. I know I'll have some in mine.
Lauren Losefast

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


have you ever been so happy that your cheeks started spasming from smiling for too long? or felt like a smile would simply not cover the enormous amounts of joy surging forward from your spirit, and you simply had to laugh? Not laughing from humor, but laughing from sheer happiness! If not, you should try it, because it's marvelous. Reasons for this blissful happiness will be discussed in a future post.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

scenes from the fair!

Today I went to the Texas State Fair with a group from my sunday school class. I had never been before and I have totally been missing out! My first order of business when I got there was to eat a giant turkey leg, which is hands-down my favorite fair food.I ate that thing all the way to the bone and enjoyed every second of it. Then we went to say hello to Big Tex:

Jennie and her sister with Big Tex:

Me with some bagpipers

Ostrich? bgawk! this guy bit me a little bit

Me with a big sow.

Michelle feeding the mean ostrich

the Ferris wheel! I didn't ride this year but there's always next time.

I went on one crazy ride called the bodysurfer. It spun you upside down and then a fountain of water came up and hit you in the face! It was sooo fun. (this was before I'd had my fried s'more, naturally). I left happy and exhausted, covered with a thin lay of turkey grease, fair dust, and powdered sugar. My only regrets were that I missed the pig races and the dancing dogs. I did get to see a parrot singing "how much is that doggie in the window?" though. I can't wait to go next year!

Monday, October 13, 2008


today I saw two squirrels fighting in a tree outside my window over a nut and I laughed. I love suburban wildlife.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Anna Lee must be voted the cutest in the land or I'll flip!

Please visit this photographer's website and vote for whoever you think is the cutest baby. If you think that any baby is cuter than baby #11, you probably have terribly bad judgment.

Note: my sister didn't enter Anna into this competition as a beauty contest or anything, she was entered automatically after they had their portrait taken by this photographer. But once in the competition, it's a matter of principle that the baby who is truly cutest wins!

More examples of this silly girl being awesome and lovable and totally worthy of winning any competition, whether for looks, smarts, or athletics.

OK that last one was really posted because I look good. Anna missed that we were taking a picture.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

pillow talk

this post is not going to be as racy as the title may suggest. But it's still thrilling. I went to Horchow Finale today and scored a sweet deal on a really pretty hand-embroidered pillow!

It was originally $212.00 (who in the world spends over $200 for a PILLOW? that's insane. It's a pillow. The Finale price was $140.00, which is still insane. But then I looked... was there a smudge of green on the tag? That would mean 75% off! I took it up to the register. My hopes were trampled by a discontented-looking old lady who DENIED the green smudge, then walked away and left me at the register without ringing me up for my other purchase:

A younger, kinder salesperson came to the register. I explained my dashed hopes of green smudginess, and she took pity on me. Long story short, I got the pillow (down-filled, hand-embroidered, feminine loveliness!) for $34.00. If you come over, I'll let you touch it, but only if you wash your hands first. That pillow is technically worth more than my couch.

Monday, October 6, 2008

I did it all for the (fortune) cookie*.

Something you may not know about Doc Losefast-I save my fortune cookie fortunes. But only the good ones. Also, I only eat the cookie if I want the fortune to be true or if it is very wise. Here's a list of some of my favorites:

"It's sometimes better to travel with hope than to arrive"
"Failure is the mother of success"
- unfortunately I got BOTH of the above fortunes the night before a test. I don't remember exactly how I did, but if I did poorly at least I'll know that I was traveling with hope and will have successful children.

"Turn on the charm. you'll be glad you did." Thanks for the advice.
"a fun party is soon to be in your future" I'll be invited to the party after I turn on my charm!
"an exciting opportunity lies ahead of you" probably still talking about the opportunity of going to a fun party.
"do not hide your feelings. let others know where you stand" I see, so I am to become sloppily drunk at the aforementioned party and confess my love to a near stranger. Sounds like a good plan.

"Others admire your flexibility" HEY NOW!!!

"everyone feels lucky for having you as a friend" it's because I'm so charming.

"today is probably a huge improvement over yesterday." what the hell kind of GD fortune cookie fortune is that? it's like the debbie downer of all fortunes. But also hilarious.

So now you know my life in fortunes. Too bad there's no fortune cookie to tell me how to politely steer the conversation in another direction someone is speed-talking political propaganda at me. le sigh.

Peace in your hood.

*yes that was a really lame reference to Limp Bizkit. I'm so corny I'm about to become high-fructose syrup. mwoah mwoah mwoah.....

Thursday, October 2, 2008


After viewing this blog I decided that I need to appreciate the mundane more than I do. I don't think I have quite the level of talent that these people do, though. I secretly suspect that their post-it art is not merely innocent workplace doodling; they look to have used artists markers and other professional tools. I know where I work I'd get in trouble if I started pulling out a bunch of markers and carefully shading my post-it doodles. I tried to start an index-card doodle today with the aim of making something cool, but I gave up halfway because it was work, where I'm supposed to be paying attention. Plus I started getting pimped on every aspect of how to read EKGs and how they electrophysiologically work. I didn't do too shabbily though. Yesterday I got pimped on diabetic ketoacidosis for like fifteen minutes. That was a bit more painful. luckily the intern was sitting just behind my attending mouthing answers to me! Ha.
great news is: it's finally getting cool enough for me to sit in my office-closet. For those who don't know, I had what was supposed to be an enormous closet in one corner of my house. I decided that it should be my office instead (it has bookshelves! and a window! It could probably function as a second bedroom in Manhattan.) Hopefully this means I will be able to get more work done without being distracted by the wide open space of the rest of my apartment.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

four by four

Four jobs I’ve had:
1) barista
2) TA for human osteology
3) medical researcher (brain cancer, then degenerative spondylolisthesis)
4) waitress at Foster's Market in Durham, NC.

Four movies I’ve watched more than once:
1) the Sound of Music
2) Dirty Dancing
3) Steel Magnolias
4) When Harry Met Sally…
and a billion other ones. I watch most movies more than once.

Four places I’ve lived:
1) Dallas, TX
2) Austin, TX
3) Durham, NC
4) Savannah, GA

Four TV shows I watch:
1) Gray’s Anatomy
2) 30 Rock
3) The Office
4) That’s it. And I watch the other ones online. Because I don’t have my TV plugged into the wall.

Four places I’ve been:
1) Ephesus
2) swimming with dinoflagellates in Puerto Rico
3) The Coast Guard Academy in New London, CT
4) Florence

Four people who email me regularly:
1) Mom
2) Shannon
3) School
4) Church

Four of my favorite foods:
1) PB&J
2) Macaroons
3) hot sauce
4) strawberries

Four places I would like to visit:
1) Russia
2) Buenos Aires
3) Israel
4) Sweden

Four things I’m looking forward to in the coming year:
1) vacations
2) fall weather and food
3) surgery
4) napping

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

what's up.

I spent last weekend in Austin with my family. My sister Shannon had a surprise 30th birthday party for her husband and it was awesome. Family, friends, and unlimited barbecue. I ate a beef rib that made me feel like a Flintstone.


Here's the wonderful decorations:

Shannon, Ben and Anna:

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then I helped Anna climb a tree outside. Her mommy didn't see this... I'm not sure she would have approved (I was holding on really tight Shannon!)

Finally, Anna helped Shannon to clean out her purse.

I love going to Austin but I'm always tired afterward. This time was worse because I came right back to a call day (32 hour shift). I still like the VA though. All my patients sound like movie cowboys... probably because they're all from podunk TX towns and have been smoking three packs a day for forty years.

Here's a list of what I meant to do today when I finished with work (at 2 pm):
1. call grandma, wish her happy birthday
2. take nap
3. do laundry
4. call Brittany
5. get mail
6. work out
7. study
8. groceries
9. pay rent
10. catch up in bible study reading of Heresies and How to Avoid Them (about orthodoxy and heresy in the church. Brings up a lot of things that I never thought to think about before)

Here's what I actually got done:
1. take a nap
2. eat four macaroons bought on sale at Simon David last week because there aren't many Jews in the Park Cities and they had a whole bunch of kosher food on sale. (I also got some matzo bread. It makes a nice alternative to water crackers)
3. re-read Agatha Christie crime novel (I think I've read everything she wrote at least once. don't believe me? I started reading her books when I was in the seventh grade. I am now in the 19th grade, and I can read two a day if I don't have anything else going on. My favorites are The Big Four and What Happened in Baghdad?. I haven't been able to find any new ones that I haven't read in the past year or year and a half, so I think I've come pretty close to reading them all.)

Yeah so my day was less productive than planned. And I have a pimple on my earlobe, which I have no idea why and how you even get one there, but I'm pretty weirded out by it.

good night.