And the winner is...

Me. I'm the winner. But don't tell this guy, because he thinks that he is. Maybe we both win... I'm not counting.

 

So yesterday I was on call on general surgery. I was waiting for my patient to be called to the OR from 8 AM until 1 AM (and if you were counting, that's 17 hours). At that point, They told me to go see another case because my patient was likely not going to go to surgery today. It was an open laparotomy for a ruptured gall bladder, and we finished at 4 AM. Then I slept in a chair for an hour and got up to see my patients. I'm pooped. But i almost don't care, because I've got one of the most marvelous people I've ever met to call up at the end of the day. And now I'm falling asleep as I write this post, so I'm off to nap for a loooong time. peace in your barrio. I know I'll have some in mine.
mwoah,
Lauren Losefast

everything's coming up chrysanthemums...

Today was my last day of enforced dysfunctionality. It's been a heck of a ride. In case you're wondering, yes, my grade did stink (I wasn't getting my hopes up), but so did the other student's and we have addressed the powers that be to appeal and try to fight the woooaahhh...man.
The good news is, I got to sleep for SEVEN hours last night even though I was on call, I got finished today at around 10 AM, and then I got to go home. Then I went to Lowe's and bought some terra cotta pots and a bunch of plants to make myself a container garden in front of my front door. I of course called my sister to ask her what I should plant (and by that what I really meant was what can't I kill?) and she told me to get something tall, something short, and something viney that droops/spreads. I took her advice, and this was the result:


Charming, no? of course after I finished I read the back of my bag of dirt and it said "NOT FOR POTTED PLANTS!!! KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN. ALWAYS WEAR GARDEN GLOVES WHEN HANDLING THIS SOIL"... after I had happily been digging my hands into it for like twenty minutes. Oh well, my hands aren't burning just yet so I think I'm probably safe.
My sister told me I should be careful about what I'm bitching about on this blog... looking back, I haven't used any names, and I haven't said anything that I didn't also tell to my course director, resident, and other classmates.
This weekend is for fun only. Next Monday I start at the VA... on a team by myself. I'm already dreading the undivided scut!

Have you ever wondered how Donna Mills, the star of the hit 1980s TV show Knott's Landing, got her signature wonderful look? well you're in luck, because in 1986 she put out a video series called "The Eyes Have It". I'm sharing with you.

Basic skin care with yogurt and cucumbers


Don't forget, you want to look natural... not BE natural.


Don't forget to feather your eyeliner!


Fabulous work makeup. lavish on the mascara.


For those special evenings when you really want to shine, turn heads... be that special woman! give yourself over to romance and glamor.


This may look like it will hurt, but it won't.


you're welcome.

sit down you're rockin' the boat!

I'm getting the feeling at work that I can't win with my attending. The interns tell me I'm improving. The resident tells me I'm getting better. But the attending tells me that I need to work really hard, because I'm ALMOST at a high pass. A high pass is equivalent to an 84. It is a shitty grade. And I'm not sure how much harder I can work (I'm already pretty darn thorough).

So I called my mom and she gave me this wonderful piece of advice; "Smile and let the B*tch wonder what you're up to." It's a good piece of advice for when I'm stuck in a bad situation. The other advice that was really good came from my friend Karla; "I think we both need margaritas". And so we did go get margs this evening and vented about how awful and smelly our lives are.

so for now my plan is this:
1. call my shrink and ask for some welbutrin stat.
2. think of my boss as dissatisfied with her life and taking it out on me because I'm young and full of potential
3. continue to work hard
4. drink margaritas when not at work. other drinks may be substituted as I see fit.
5. pray to God that I don't go crazy during the next two weeks on this service.
suggestions are always welcome.

investigation- wild birds unlimited

how the hell does the store Wild Birds Unlimited stay open and thriving with multiple stores in the same city? I pass by one like five times a week and never once have I been tempted to enter it. I think they sell exclusively bird feeders and bird seed.

from the website:
"At Wild Birds Unlimited, we aren’t just a birdfood store. We are Your Backyard Birdfeeding Specialist®, here to help bring you, your family and nature together."

so really, they only do sell birdseed and bird feeders. how many bird feeders do they have to sell to be able to keep a store open on Lovers Lane in UP in what I imagine to be a very expensive area to lease? I may enter the store today to do a little investigating. My guess is that it's really a respectable-looking front for a nationwide suburban drug ring. Honestly, can you think of any store name that is more boring or wholesome sounding? I may just go in there to take a nap on a little pile of birdseed.

awkward turtle

On Friday I went back to the private practice pediatrician's office. As a refresher, this is the same Doc who was concerned about my single status and who recommended that I be engaged or at least in a long term relationship by the time I graduate Med school. During one of the breaks between patients, she and her staff begin to slyly ask me questions about what my ideal man would be like. As she is involved in grading me, I play along with her, thinking this question to be completely theoretical. I say he has to be 6'3" or above, clean cut, smart and well-educated, reasonably athletic, well-mannered, and most importantly completely infatuated with me. He also can't whine too much or be an ass. This is why I'm still single (the standards against whining and/or being an ass cut down the potential field by around 75%).
Her medical assistants start chatting rapidly in Spanish, not knowing that I can understand just about everything they're saying (because I've only been speaking English to them all week). Basically they're saying "ooh, I bet she's going to like him! I hope he comes today!" The Doctor then tells me that they had a sales rep come by on Wednesday who was 6'7" and that she had somehow in his five minute office visit found out that he was single and told him to come back on Friday to meet her tall medical student. And he did. AWKWARD! He seemed pleasant and was certainly very tall, but really?

When he left, the entire staff started asking me if I thought he was good looking, if I liked him, if I would go on a date with him, etc. I tried explaining that it didn't matter because he was in the office for five minutes and I'm not going back there anymore. The Doctor then told me that she would email me when he was coming and bringing lunch so that I could make the 15 mile drive to her office and be there whenever he was. I told her politely that that was ridiculous. Her entire staff began to say that he had come that day just to meet me, and that he must have really liked me because he stayed for seven minutes instead of the usual five. And in case you were wondering what our children would look like, don't worry because they figured that out too (tall, beautiful, and athletic).
Before I left, the Doc made me give her my phone number just in case. Why the hell not? Who knows? one of these days I may get a phone call from a mysterious number saying "hi, I'm Joe Pharm... remember? The really tall Allegra rep from Dr. S's office"

smoky hair?

Ever find yourself in the situation where you get back at 1 AM from a karaoke dive bar that specializes in attracting both surprisingly amazing singers and chain-smokers? And you know you have to be at work taking care of children at 6:30 the next morning? what a coincidence, me too. To get smoke out of your hair, spray liberally with Febreze and blow-dry. It works better than actually washing your hair. And volumizes! Seriously, whoever invented Febreze deserves a Nobel prize. I don't even care if it's a science category, they should get the peace prize. Way more deserving than that fruit loop Al Gore. And for those keeping track, yes I am a semi-closeted karaoke junkie. It brightens my day... and hopefully yours.

Oh, and the makers of the tide stain removal pen should also get a prize.