you need to grow up. you will be sorry.

There's an MS4 at my school (who I will henceforth refer to as "Motor Mouth") who inadvertently began a war of communications between himself and pretty much every other student. How did he do this, you ask? Good question. Motor Mouth has gotten into the habit over the past semester of sending out emails of long lists of things that he would like to sell.
Many people during their fourth year decide to send out a list of books for sale, or furniture that they don't want to move, or an apartment that they are vacating, etc. It's usually only one email and then it's over. However, Mr. Mouth didn't want to stop at only one email, and so he's sent out approximately twenty over the last four months. Often he will send out the same list of things a second time, with an update that "I'm still selling the four year old Ikea desk for 75% of its original price, however, the rice cooker and the Nintendo 64 have been claimed!"
Last week he sent out an email which he promised would be his last; unfortunately, he was being a big fat liar because on Sunday he sent out not just one spam to sell his crap, but THREE!

Email #1:
From: Motor Mouth
To: MS2011, MS2010, MS2009, MS2008
Subject: Furniture for sale: last few items reduced in price
Body: a link to his crappy furniture which no one is buying because no one needs an oak finish swiveling cd rack, or a secondhand lamp for $30.oo (at the reduced price). I'm not putting in the link because it says his real name.

Email #2:
From: Motor Mouth
To: MS2011, MS2010, MS2009, MS2008
Subject: golf clubs for sale

Taylor Made Tungsten

Irons 3-9
PW
putter
ball retriever

Taylor made 3 wood

This does not include a driver

$50 obo

Email #3:
From: Motor Mouth
To: MS2011, MS2010, MS2009, MS2008
Subject: golf clubs sold

I was irked by his extensive salesmanship, and as I prefer to deal with people directly before complaining to administration, I sent Mr. Mouth an email of my own. What followed was a bit of an email avalanche:
From: Lauren Losefast
To: Motor Mouth
BC: Friendly
Subject: re: golf clubs for sale
EBAY! CRAIGSLIST! please, for the love of all things holy stop using the list serve as a personal garage sale.

From: Motor Mouth
To: Lauren Losefast
Subject: re: golf clubs for sale
don't waste my inbox space with your complaints
this list has been used this way for years..years!

From: Friendly
To: Lauren Losefast
Subject: re: golf clubs for sale
Yeah, no sh*t. *@#$ing Motor Mouth. He's the guy who wouldn't deal on selling his books en masse, and then when they didn't sell, sent a million emails out. I've hated this guy for awhile, even before he started sending out emails every other day about his furnishings.
Last year I would have sent him a seething sarcastic berating like that one blackberry-wielding !@#$*bag.
ps Who's Taylor and do you suppose he makes good golf clubs?

From: Lauren Losefast
To: Friendly
Subject: re: golf clubs for sale
I've heard that Taylor makes awesome golf clubs.
in response to my email, Motor decided to respond along the lines of "don't clutter my inbox with your complaints! the listserve has always been used like this" which I then forwarded to an administrator. I seriously want to sign Mr. Mouth up for all the spam emails and newsletters I can find online. want to join me?

From: Friendly
To: Lauren Losefast
Subject: re: golf clubs for sale
Way ahead of you. He's signed up for Hormel's Spam newsletter, as well as the kevin federline fanclub and LDS Singles.

Other people preferred a more generalized outcry:
From: SH
To: MS2011, MS2010, MS2009, MS2008
Subject: Selling Lucky Nickel...STOP SENDING THESE EMAILS
I'm selling my super lucky nickel!! It comes in a custom designed folded piece of paper with a mystery note written on it!! It has helped me marginally pass all of my tests!! What a super value at only $50!!
STOP SENDING EMAILS ABOUT SELLING RANDOM THINGS, PLEASE!!! I can understand offering medical equipment, and I can even stand deleting the emails about places to rent close to school or medical books, but selling personal items, furniture, appliances, etc should be done ELSEWHERE!
Might I suggest www.craigslist.com or www.ebay.com.

Seriously, stop cluttering our email boxes.
Sincerely,
Every person who actually wants to use his/her school email account for school related emails

From: LC
To: MS2011, MS2010, MS2009, MS2008
Subject: Lucky Nickel sold.

From: JS
To: MS2011, MS2010, MS2009, MS2008
Subject: Important!!!
Before people stop sending out emails offering items for sale, may I simply draw your attention to my own item of the day:
a bottle of UnKLe JoHhniE's Super Fantastic Snake Elixir Oil!!!! Only $29.99, and if you order now, you'll get 20 (yes thats right!) more bottles for free.
-cures everything known to man*
-was used to soak S's lucky nickel
-also great for cleaning carpets
Comes in a collectible special edition used Coca Cola © bottle!!! Collect em' all!!!

*this statement has not been evaluated by the FDA

But seriously, after buying my Snake Elixir, I second the motion for saving our mailboxes from turning into ebay.
-UnKLe JoHhniE

From: Motor Mouth
To: Ms2011, MS2010, MS2009, MS2008
Subject: who ever email bombed me needs to grow up. when i find out who you are you will be sorry
today I opened my mailbox to find close to 50 emails from various companies that I did not sign up to.
so far the only suspect that I know of is a Mr. SH.
who ever email bombed me needs to grow up. when i find out who you are you will be sorry

From: W. Personance
To: Ms2011, MS2010, MS2009, MS2008
Subject: re: who ever email bombed me needs to grow up. when i find out who you are you will be sorry
Body: Can I be a suspect too?

From: Motor Mouth
To: W. Personance
Subject: re: who ever email bombed me needs to grow up. when i find out who you are you will be sorry
Body: If you would like

From: JL
To: MS2011, MS2010, MS2009, MS2008
Subject: Leave my friend alone
Dear classmates,
Leave my friend Mister Mouth or else (I won't mention what because this is a public forum)? What's your deal, anyway? What's the big deal with deleting a few "SPAM" emails a day between classmates needing stuff? Its annoying but get over it okay? You look at advertisements everyday on the streets, on tv, and even the stuff that randomly appears on the computer from companies. Occasionally, you find an advertisement useful and become interested in the product. Again, leave my friend alone now!
Sincerely,
JL

From: JL
To: MS2011, MS2010, MS2009, MS2008
Subject: specifics
Partly to relieve myself of academic and legal liability after a possibly hasty email, when I said "or else," I meant whoopy cushions, water bombs, setting feces bombs on fire, tepeeing your carrel, and other stuff like that.
JL

From: JL
To: MS2011, MS2010, MS2009, MS2008
Subject: absolutely my last email ever
Dear classmates,
Resting comfortably in your nice mansion in Highland Park or SugarLand, maybe some of you have forgotten that some of your classmates have kids to support or don't have support from their parents. You might say that you can buy or sell stuff on Ebuy or something. Trust me, if you had to feed your kid an extra piece of toast the next day, you might go door to door and beg (I've done more degrading things for less, but that's how shameless I am anyway).
JL

After this long chain of correspondence, I've come to the conclusion that:
1. Motor Mouth doesn't have social graces and probably never will
2. Med students can be funny and creative when given incentive and a good outlet
3. The person or persons unidentified who signed Mr. Mouth "up to" the numerous free emails will never ever be sorry. This is supported by the fact that innocent people wanted to claim guilt because it was a clever and hilarious thing to do.
4. I think very poorly of people when they make basic spelling and grammar errors.

On a completely different note, I accepted nearly 40k in loans for next year. Yeehaw! bring on the debt!

Names have been modified so that Mr. Mouth isn't led to my blog via a google search.